Feeling…Uncomfortable
In this new series, I share my feelings related to my career as a budding UX Designer. Spoiler alert: there are a lot of feels.
I recognized an interesting feeling today. I stumbled upon a creative agency’s website and noticed a long list of awards. Damn, they do great work. This long list of awards was accompanied by a list of speaking engagements. Damn again, people want to hear what they have to say to. This was clearly a very accomplished creative agency. Color me impressed.
This encounter made me reflect on the agency that I work for. It’s small at the moment, but capable of great things. I started to daydream a bit. Perhaps one day we will accomplish enough great things to make other people say “damn, they do good work” too.
And suddenly, this thought made me feel very uncomfortable. So much so, that it surprised me. Why was I feeling this way?
I began to think of roles where I could comfortably position myself in the shadow of this hypothetical glory. Was I just afraid of the limelight? No, that’s not it. Maybe, if I’m being honest with myself, I’m intimidated by having to be so creative. Yes, that is hitting a nerve. It makes sense, though.
Only a few months ago had I begun my career as a UX Designer. It’s a field that requires a high degree of critical thinking, research, and process. These are areas where I feel comfortable, areas in which I am continuously learning. Creativity is not a required skill for this line of work. But I can’t help but feel drawn to fields like graphic design and writing where I can express myself creatively. When I told my uber-creative boss I wanted to learn graphic design, she not only encouraged my pursuit of this new skill but plays an active role in teaching me. We hold workshops where I can practice creating fucking rectangles because we’ve only started covering the basics. Usually, these workshops end with a celebration because creating that rectangle was really hard…and it was a really beautiful rectangle, okay?
Am I taking on too many things at once? Maybe. After all, I am a fledgling UX Designer who wears many hats trying to become a newborn graphic designer. I am authoritatively advising on how to improve the user experience while learning how to draw a fucking rectangle in Adobe Illustrator. Thinking back to the awards, I say to myself man, I’ll never be that creative or create anything creative worthy of such merit.
I went on my merry workday writing copy for a blog post, work that I also enjoy in my role as a UX Designer who wears many hats. I like being able to think before I speak, methodically crafting and recrafting the right message. Damn, UX Design really is the right career for me. Writing this blog post feels more comfortable than what I deem purely creative and artistic work…like making fucking rectangles in Adobe Illustrator.
I found myself exploring the aforementioned creative agency’s site again later that afternoon. Damn, they do great work. In one of their case studies was a graphic about how they had to go outside their comfort zone to complete the project. Okay…that’s ironic considering the minor discomfort I felt earlier inspired by their website.
This whole thought process made me think of my dad. When I was a kid, he liked to tell me and my four siblings “get comfortable getting uncomfortable.” My dad loves to serve up some salty-sweet doses of reality like that. Glimpses into the future that we had yet to experience with the realness of a thousand New York housewives.
Later on, my uber-creative boss recommended that I read today’s Honey Copy newsletter. I love the Honey Copy newsletter, and I aspire to write like the author so badly. Today, he shared his feelings about the purpose of life. That the goal should not be to achieve perfectionism or establish some great legacy, but rather to simply pursue it. The pursuit is all that matters. I couldn’t help but feel like the universe was planting small seeds of encouragement for me today.
I went back to my merry workday writing copy for a blog post, work that I enjoy. Work that feels comfortable. And then I stopped typing. Maybe I should spend some time making fucking rectangles today.
Originally published at https://www.victoriaakman.com on October 8, 2020.
